I am deliberately posting this on the antithetical day, because even on the day of loooove–maybe even more so in some cases–people still get riled up. And because it tickles my sense of humor to post about anger on Valentine’s Day. Yes, I’m goofy. Didn’t you already know that? 
There is nothing wrong with being angry. I get mad all the time. I used to punch holes in the walls when I got mad (of course, I generally picked thin and fragile walls to begin with–I’m not stupid). 
… It recently occurred to me that I needed to write down my approach to handling anger, in part to have something to put up on my wall and remind myself how I want to behave; and it also occurred to me that others might find it useful as well. (A lot of these points tie into professional behavior–but I’m not sidetracking into that discussion right now!)
So, here you go:
* Don’t assume you know everything about a given situation. Ask questions before you jump to conclusions; the answers will often make getting angry entirely unneccessary.
* You can’t control other people. You can only control your reactions to other people.
* Unless you’re a professionally trained therapist or doctor, don’t try to “save” anyone from themselves. You don’t know how and you’ll only make things worse in the end.
* Don’t escalate. Respond with matching or lesser force to any aggression.
* Keep in mind that whatever makes you the most angry about another person is probably related to something about yourself that you don’t want to face.
* When you’re angry, don’t talk to people who will make that anger worse by “egging you on”. Talk to people who will listen, sympathize, then say, “Yes, but–” and present the possible other side– and really think about what they say.
* Don’t hold grudges against others. Resolve a situation and let it go. Everyone screws up. Get over it.
* Don’t hold grudges against yourself. Admit to mistakes, make amends, and let it go. Everyone screws up. Get over it.
* Apologies are not absolution. Truly taking responsibility for your mistakes often requires more than just words–it requires a change in the behavior that caused the situation you’re apologizing about.
* Nobody is 100% good and very, very few people are 100% evil. If you find yourself demonizing another person, stop and ask yourself what is good about that person–and why you feel the need to be so angry with that person in the first place.
* When you’re angry, write down ten things you’re grateful for–like sunshine, and snow, and being alive in the first place. Make yourself look at the blessings in your life, instead of the problems. This will help you calm down and give you much needed perspective.
* Avoid people who lie, manipulate, and have poor impulse control or maturity issues. Spend time with people who encourage you to reach for your best self, rather than your worst.
* Look in the mirror in the morning and ask yourself if, yesterday, you acted like the person you really want to be; if you are proud of everything you did the day before. If the answer is no (and it will be), figure out one thing you can do that day that is in line with your best self. When that becomes easy, make it two things. When that becomes easy, do three “true to yourself” things a day. Etc. (If the answer is ever “yes”, then apply for a sainthood straight away.)
* Never, ever, ever send an email to, answer a phone call from, or call someone you are angry with, until you have calmed down and are absolutely sure of all of the facts, and of what you want to do about the situation.
So that’s what I’m striving toward in my life. How do you handle being angry? Curious writers wanna know.
